Apocalypse How

According to Rob Kutner's hilarious book, "Our world’s gotta go sometime." "Whether it’s due to mushroom clouds, asteroids, a mad supergenius, Jesus, newly sentient iPods, or Pod People, everything about life on Earth is going to change." "And you should be psyched." "APOCALYPSE HOW is a comprehensive cataclysmic guide that walks you through the Nine Most Likely World-Ending Scenarios, and provides useful and inspiring advice on every aspect of surviving (and thriving!) in the new world to come. Covering everything from food, shelter, and relocation to social life, dating, recreation and career, APOCALYPSE HOW is the only book you’ll need – and just might be the last one left at all." Here's an excerpt from the "Children and Childrearing" chapter: "Will raising children be a challenge in the age of Armageddon? Of course. "But as a parent, there are quite a few reasons for encouragement: • If you view “kids today” as a pack of unruly monsters with no regard for law and tradition, you’re not an old fuddy-duddy like your parents. You’re a sharpeyed observer! • No positive role models in their lives? Sure. But hey, no negative ones either. • Everyone’s family is “blended” now. To the child who protests, “You’re not my real dad!” there’s finally a good response: “Duh!” "When society as we know it crumbled to the ground, so did its expectations of parents. Forget grade point averages, college acceptances, career and spouse choices. If they make it to adulthood without killing each other and propagate the species, you’re Ward and June Cleaver. "But to keep them in line, you will need to draw upon a few proven post-apocalyptic parenting strategies: Carrot & Stick Literally. You can accomplish an amazing amount of discipline by withholding/offering carrots, and penalizing with sticks. Advanced Carrot & Stick This new world offers a host of compelling ewards and punishments, many of which are right at hand. “Going to bed without supper” takes on a whole new force when supper is he only meal of the day. Likewise, when their only source of sugar is that which is boiled out of beet mash, a little goes a long way. Actual Bogeymen Whether your world is now overrun by earsome octopus-headed Rigellians, hyper-intelligent-yet-sadistic cloned sheep gone wry, or the very Hounds of Hell,43 you now have a tangible threat at hand to incentivize our kids to behave, do their chores, or eat their vegetable. Time Outs These gain a fresh potency when there is iterally nothing to do. Five minutes feels like five hours, five hours like ten. And, under the new timekeeping conditions, who’s to say it isn’t?" Find out more at http://www.apocalypsehowthebook.com

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The Man Who Brings You Conan's Monologue and the Apocalypse

A Conversation with Rob Kutner
Rob Kutner's comedy career really began the day he had to pick up a couple of dead cats.

That led to television writing jobs for Dennis Miller, Jon Stewart, and Conan O'Brien, as well as a bunch of Emmy awards and Apocalypse How (Running Press), his book that puts some fun into the end of the world.

Just as no two snowflakes are alike, everyone's path to a writing career is different, and Kutner's began as the funniest Jewish kid at his Christian high school in Atlanta. Now married, and a father, Rob Kutner is on the monologue writing team for Conan O'Brien's new TBS show, Conan, and living in California.

We spoke on the phone about his particular route to award-winning television comedy writing and a book. And, yes, he did explain the dead cats.

As a child, did you know you wanted to work in comedy?

I don't think as a child I knew this was a career, but I knew things were funny that no one else did. I spent way too much of junior high making Far Side knock-off cartoons with friends. In high school, I started writing short stories. In college, at Princeton, I realized that everything I was doing was related to comedy: I was editing the humor magazine, was part of the improv troupe, and wrote for the student musical theater troupe. But I was majoring in Anthropology and Russian Studies.

How did you go from anthropology at Princeton to writing for some of televisions most successful comedians?

A friend's brother got hired on The Simpsons, and it was a revelation to me that people got paid for this! My friend and I wrote some spec scripts for sitcoms. The plan was to eventually move to L.A. Because I'd gone to a Christian high school in Atlanta, after college, I spent a year in Israel, studied at a yeshiva and then interned at an environmental magazine. Then, I spent a year in D.C. working as a publications editor for a consulting firm. Then, I moved to L.A. and just started pounding the pavement like everyone else. I wrote TV and movie scripts, and ad copy. My friend was working for Dennis Miller's HBO show. I wrote a few jokes -- they weren't used, but it got me some attention.



What was the first show you worked on?

I wanted a production job, and got a production assistant job in the late '90s on the WB's Unhappily Ever After. On my first day, I had to go pick up some taxidermy stuff for the show: two dead cats. Not a great sitcom, but it was a good trial by fire. I was there for the last season of the show. Then, there was an opening on Dennis Miller's live HBO show for a writer's assistant. I did that for two seasons. It's an apprentice job. I was basically the secretary for the writers but I could pitch my own jokes. I did that and they started to use them. For my third season, in 2002, I was promoted to writer. That was my break.

What did you think of working for Dennis Miller?

It was a really great experience. He gave me my first break as a writer. He always appreciated his writers, he's super-smart, and he has a lot of integrity. It was okay to use big words and refer to complex ideas on his show. We didn't take the mainstream, lowest common denominator angle. He was shifting from Libertarian to Conservative. The 2000 election and 9/11 happened while I was working on the show.

What caused his political shift?

He says that it was 9/11. He's conservative on things like tax issues, but still liberal on social issues.

What was the writing process like on the show?

We'd write individually, and then on Friday we'd all sit together with him and tweak, nip and tuck. Then, the show aired live on Friday night.

What was the best part of working with him and writing for the show?

If you pitched something in the room and he liked it, on the spot, and it went into the show!
But, the show was cancelled after my first season as a writer.

What did you do?

Someone I worked with on the show knew someone at The Daily Show, and they were looking for another writer. I knew it was a consistently good show, and I had an interest in politics. I interviewed, and wrote some submission packets -- a sample of the kinds of things they do on the show. I got the job and moved to New York. My wife is a writer/producer, so she was staying in L.A. This was in 2002. We won the first Emmy of the streak, and a lot of media attention started swirling around the show, so I stayed and we did the bi-coastal thing for a while. I was there for six and a half years.

Why did you leave The Daily Show?

That's a long time to do that kind of thing. It appears fun and lighthearted when you watch it. But when you think about ingesting it all and processing it, it takes a toll on you. It's on four days a week. Bush was always an easy target. When Obama was elected, the dynamic changed. Things we hoped they'd (his administration) do better were disappointing. A lot of things converged, and there were more opportunities for me and my wife in L.A. She'd been flying back and forth. I knew someone from my Dennis Miller days was working for Conan, and Conan was going to do The Tonight Show in L.A. I landed a position on the monologue team. I moved to L.A. I figured The Tonight Show is an institution -- that's a steady job if you're gonna leave The Daily Show. I started the first month in, so I was with it for almost the entire run.

What happened when it all blew up, Leno got The Tonight Show back, and Conan was out?

We didn't know what was going to happen. The other writers and I were in limbo for about six or seven months, but then Conan got the TBS show, and we all started the week of Labor Day, in September, working on the November launch. The monologue team is my main job but we can write and pitch for other parts of the show, too.

You've been in some sketches, too.

I've been cast in three sketches now, but mostly to make noises.

Would you like to do more acting?

I don't think of myself of a performer. I think of myself as being behind the camera.

How did you come to write your book?

I was a Jewish kid going to a Christian high school, I grew up in the '80s, during the last of the cold war and was really freaked out by the TV movie The Day After. Being in The Daily Show environment, the way you deal with anxiety is to turn it on its head. So, I turned it into how the end of the world will be great for everyone -- all the advantages. Apocalypse How came out in spring 2008 from Running Press.

Was there any promotion on The Daily Show?

Several people there have independent projects. But, the show doesn't promote anything unless it's a project of The Daily Show. Jon did give me a blurb for the book.

It must've helped in promoting it that you were a Daily Show writer.

I certainly milked it as much as I could! I did a radio tour on the phone. There's not a lot of opportunities for TV interviews unless you're self help. I didn't hire a publicist. I was pennywise and pound foolish. It would've eaten up most of my advance but I would've gotten more publicity for the book. I did a lot more print promotion. I joined Twitter but didn't know what the potential was at the time. I had a website to promote the book. And then my Twitter page (@ApocalypseHow) became a forum for observations. A passive branding mechanism. I could've switched to an account with my name on it, but i kept it in the name of the book with the idea that if people thought I was funny, they might like to buy my book.

How did you get your literary agent?

I had a decent platform and referrals to an agent from friends who'd been published. I had a proposal, but it was for a different book than the one I ended up writing.

That happens very often. Do you have any other books planned?

I don't right now. I did it not to make money but to put something tangible that has just my name on it out into the world. The things I write go out on the air -- it's ephemeral and then it's gone. I wanted something longer lasting, and with my name on it. It was fun to write it and promote it, but it was a ton a work.

You're not used to that kind of word count.

Right, especially on just one topic! I might do it again if I had a fantastic idea or someone approached me with a good deal.

What are your goals now?

I'm dabbling with sitcom and feature film ideas. It would be great to originate something else that was all my own.

Where do you keep your writing Emmy awards?

In the guest room. When people go to sleep at night they can see them from the bed.
I have five Emmys, all for The Daily Show. We were nominated for The Tonight Show, but The Daily Show won that year, too. While I was on The Daily Show, we also got a Peabody and a television critics award and a Grammy for the audio book of America: The Book. And Time Out New York included me on their list of Super Jews in a special issue. Everyone had a picture except me. For me they used a photo of Jon Stewart. I guess it was a list of super photogenic Jews.

Is anyone else in your family in the arts?

Not really, though we've just come in contact with some Kutners we didn't even know about who are now deceased, including a past president of Paramount. He produced Witness, the Harrison Ford film. Some sort of cousin. My mother is an attorney and my dad is a retired physician who founded Jewish Healthcare International (JHI), which travels to communities especially in Eastern Europe and Russia -- and now they're in Haiti, too -- to bring in American and Israeli doctors and supplies. He founded it ten years ago. I gave my Mom one of the Emmys and she put it in their living room. They were extremely supportive. I'd have to go to therapy and say, 'My mother understood me!'

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As a journalist, columnist, essayist, and media critic, Nina L. Diamond's work has appeared in many publications, including Omni magazine, The Los Angeles Times Magazine, The Chicago Tribune, and The Miami Herald.

She was a regular contributor to a number of "late, great" national, regional, and newspaper Sunday magazines, including Omni; the award-winning South Florida magazine; and Sunshine, the Ft. Lauderdale (now South Florida) Sun-Sentinel's Sunday magazine.

She covers the arts and sciences; the media, publishing, and current affairs; and writes feature articles, interviews, commentary, humor/satire/parody, essays, and reviews.

Ms. Diamond is also the author of Voices of Truth: Conversations with Scientists, Thinkers & Healers (Lotus Press) and the unfortunately titled Purify Your Body (Three Rivers Press/Crown/Random House) , a book of natural health reporting which has been a selection of The Book-of-the-Month Club's One Spirit Book Club and the Quality Paperback Book Club.

For its entire run from 1984-1998, she was a writer and performer on Pandemonium, the National Public Radio (NPR) satirical humor program, which aired on WLRN-FM in Miami.

She has appeared on Oprah, discussing the publishing industry, but, in a case of very bad timing, that appearance was two years before her first book was published.

She has written her Much Ado About Publishing column for Independent Publisher since 2003.

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